It's bearing down on ye as fast as a pirate schooner that has the wind! It's past time to be making plans for this year's International Talk Like a Pirate Day Celebration and time to tell us what they are!!
Just send an e-mail to any of us here at Team Pirate, meself, Cap'n Slappy, Jezebel the Web Wench or Mad Sally, and we'll get it posted on our calendar right quick! You can find our e-mail addresses at http://talklikeapirate.com/contact.html
We've already had people e-mail us asking, "What's going on in Brooklyn?" and "Are there pirate cruises in Virginia Beach this year?" Well how in the name of Davy Jones and all the little Joneses are we supposed to know that if you don't tell us?
So c'mon, me buckos! Plan a party or at least find out where there's one in your neighborhood, then let us know what you're doing! We'll send up a signal so the rest of the world will know that you have pirattitude!
Avast thar, ye scabrous dogs! Cap'n Slappy and meself are delighted to announce that we'll have some new books for you to read soon.
Most important, a couple of publishers are rasslin' right now for the rights to "The Pirate Rules," our sequel to our first book, "Pirattitude!" We hope to be able to tell you soon when to expect "The Pirate Rules," a hilarious follow-up to our first effort, which is in its sixth printing.
Second, especially for those of ye who CAN'T read (and if ye can't, why are you pretending to read this?) we have a new kids book coming later this month and available online only! "The Li'l Pirate's ABSeas"
"The Li'l Pirate's ABSeas" is for the children, (Will no one think of the children?), an ABC book for the young 'uns that teaches 'em the alpha-ma-bet AND gives a wee dose o' pirattitude at the exact same time! "The Li'l Pirates ABSeas" will do for children's literature what a well-placed broadside does for a Spanish galleon – soften it up so that pirates can have their way with it! It not only has the dangerous fun you'd expect from the Pirate Guys, but it's got wonderful illustrations from our young friend Jonathan "Pilfering Pooter" Cooke.
But we have to issue a WARNING!!!
Concerned, thoughtful and responsible parents SHOULD NOT plan to buy this book for their darling little children. Oh no. Darling little children should only receive this book from their drunken bastard uncles and crazy aunts, who don't want their nieces and nephews to grow up to be insufferable prigs. It's a little rude, a little saucy, maybe even a bit "dangerous!" But funny, we think, and Jonathan's handsome line drawings even make the tome suitable for use as a coloring book! (for children with strong stomachs.)
The book will be available in late August through our Web site only, because no responsible publishing company would touch it with a four-foot boarding ax. Needless to say, it will make a great gift. Just not for your own kids. That'd probably be a mistake. But it'll be a GREAT gift for kids of parents you don't like all that much.
The Emerald City is, of course, Seattle, and if it's summer and we're up at the Puget Sound it can mean only one thing – Seafair and our annual visit with the Seafair Pirates.
The Seafair Pirates is an organization more than 50 years old, a highlight of the city's Seafair Celebration. These guys are great – a civic organization that parades and parties, helps raise funds for worthy causes, represents the city and has way too much fun doing it! Spending a week with the Seafair Pirates is like going to a weeklong frat party – with cannons! And the city loves them. The week ends with the Torchlight Parade through downtown Seattle – and when the pirates come into view the almost half a million people lining the streets stand and scream their appreciation.
Seattle may not be a city you'd automatically associate with buccaneers, but as long as the Seafair Pirates are roaming the streets aboard the Moby Duck, they'll always be one of the top pirate ports in the Americas. Thanks for the great time, buckos!!
"The Pirate Primer" by George Choundas
"The Pirate Primer" is an amazing book, a college-level seminar on how to speak the language of pirates. It has everything – everything – you'd ever want to know about the pirate lexicon. Maybe too much, but we'll get to that in a minute.
The author, George Choundas, has compiled the most massive tome on the pirate language you've ever seen. Perhaps the most impressive thing about "The Pirate Primer" is its scope – thousands of entries with definitions, multiple pronunciations, and examples. The examples particularly stand out. Every word and phrase – every single one! – has a citation from one of forty-two books, nineteen movies, thirteen television episodes or one amusement park ride. (You'll never guess which. Go on, try!)
Seventy five sources!!!! That's called research, bucko, and it's nothing to be sneezed at. It's way more work than Cap'n Slappy and I have ever even attempted!! (although our book is funny and we think that counts for something.)
While the book is a delight to skim though, it has one drawback as a research tool – it's damn big and really screams for an index, which it doesn't have. Everything is divided into functional sections and then listed alphabetically within those sections. I was recently asked to judge the authentic pirateyness of a a phrase and tried to look it up in George's book. Well, those sections are kind of arbitrary, a judgment call. Before I could confidently render an opinion on the phrase, I had to look through eight different chapters to make sure it wasn't somewhere I hadn't thought of. An index would have been a huge help.
But that's mere details. If it's not quite as useful as you'd like a reference book to be, it's a delight to dip into and sample. It's the ultimate smorgasbord of buccaneer banter. It's also one of the most handsomely produced pirate volumes in a long time, hardbound with lots of nice details. It's something you'll read through often, and it'll look great on the bookshelf when you're not reading it.
If you're only going to buy one book to help you learn to talk like a pirate, well, we've got to say buy ours, "Pirattitude!" because – Hey, pirate! But if you're going to buy two, then by all means pick up a copy of "The Pirate Primer." It's like buying a graduate course in pirate parlance.
Next "Book Club" – "Real Pirates of the Caribbean" and "Real Pirates of Canada."
That's all for now me hearties, but don't fret – the Pirate Guys will be back soon with another Poopdeck.
-- Ol' Chumbucket
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